When I turned twenty, I had an opportunity to travel across the ocean to a distant and foreign land. I departed from my home, and after a sixteen-hour flight, I found myself in the West African country of Mali. I was there for less than a year, but during that time, I experienced all the Africa adventures you might expect some restless American kid would want to do. I saw crocodiles, slept outside during a sand storm, and lived in a mud hut at my friend’s village. If I wanted a more African experience, I’m pretty sure I would need to have held Simba over the edge of Pride Rock. I didn’t travel there to be a tourist, but I didn’t mind taking advantage of some fun opportunities where I could find them.
The name of the village I stayed in was Dogo. About a hundred people in total called this tiny community their home. Not far from Dogo, several other pint-sized villages scattered about, each hosting a neighborhood sized population of their own. I loved my time there, and even though communication was limited, I got up early to practice learning their language from scratch. I respected those who lived there and was very thankful for their hospitality and patience. I’m sure I sounded like a toddler as I spoke to my new friends in their native tongue. They remained kind to me and tried their best to hold in laughs as I fumbled my way through each day.
The names of people and villages in this chapter have been changed for the privacy of my friends in Mali.
Two of my friends there, Amadou and Kevin, dedicated themselves to help me learn their language and culture during my stay. Amadou was also my mentor during my time in Dogo. He was a man in his mid-forties who still had the pep of a younger man, yet had a weathered appearance from years of hard work. This guy was all smiles and had a gentle way about him that made him approachable and an excellent teacher.
My other friend Kevin, in contrast, was a mature twenty-four-year-old American, though, I’m sure he would correct me that his true nationality is Texan. He was part of the same organization I traveled with to Mali; though, I hadn’t met him until I had been in Africa for a couple of weeks. Kevin lived up to his Texas roots. He would shoot you straight and had no problem getting his hands dirty. Though I was still learning the local dialect, Kevin was already proficient in speaking Maninkakan. He often said little but was thoughtful about every direction he would give to those of us under his leadership.
Kevin and I were both there to learn from Amadou. It was a shared cultural and leadership experience you could say. While we gave some support to the church that Amadou led, we learned from him and the village elders. Gathered around the fire each night, we would listen and learn whatever they would share with us. One night, Amadou imparted some wisdom onto us. He told us there was a saying known among the people there…
“When an elder dies, a library is burned.”
This ancient proverb has a lot to say about how people in that region would use the knowledge and wisdom they acquired over years of experience. In that part of the world, information was seen as power; therefore, many individuals would keep what they learned to themselves rather than pass it on to others. By withholding this useful information from others, they and their immediate families would have the edge over the rest.
Whenever an older member of the community would die, a wealth of knowledge and understanding would be lost that could have otherwise been shared with the community. The village might as well have burned down a library with all the experience and wisdom they lose when they bury their elders. It was a tradition that caused suffering among the people as one generation would repeat the mistakes of those who had come before them. Clearly, Amadou was an exception from this rule as he generously gave us insight whenever he could.
I think that piece of wisdom speaks true in most of our lives as well. In our case, when we forget our past, we are burning down a library inside us. We have years of wisdom, knowledge, and street smarts stored up that we refuse to tap into. If we weren't neglecting our own past experiences, all of that valuable insight could be applied to our lives or shared with others around us in meaningful ways. It’s a total bummer if you think about it. We may already have some of the answers to life’s big questions, but don’t even realize it. Some of us are also living life on repeat because we never learn from our mistakes. Our lives resemble the instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle.
Make choices
Make mistakes
Forget it all
Rinse and Repeat
If no one has ever spoken these words to you before, then allow me to be the first.
Your life is worth more than instructions on a shampoo bottle.
Yeah… deep stuff, eh? Take a breath and let that one sink in…. Now, on the real, I mean it. You are important. You are worth remembering. Your life is worth celebrating. Most people have trouble believing this and absorbing it in a humble, authentic way. I can’t blame anyone for that either. It’s easy to discount the past and your own value when many have some real dirt and grit they have gone through in life. If you were told or treated as if you were worthless growing up, it is difficult to accept your own value later on. For this group who isn't fond of your past or disagrees with my sentiment of your value, this applies to you even more. Trust the process; you may get more out of rummaging through your history than others that have had it easy. Just stay the course. For now, remember that your past is important. You are important.
Don’t Burn Your Library
Your first step to reclaiming your past doesn’t involve writings of any kind at all. On more than one occasion, while attempting to add more stories to my own journal, I’d get frustrated that I couldn’t think of a single thing to write down. I would find myself with a blank mind and an empty page. Don’t sweat it, though. Remembering personal stories takes practice. Sure, you can always create new memories, but we will get to that later. You are already filled with countless past events waiting for you to recall.
Think about it. Most humans are awake for at least sixteen hours a day. If we’ve had enough coffee, then chances are we are conscious during that time as well. That’s five thousand eight hundred forty waking hours a year available to experience life and create memories. Holy crow, now multiply that by however many years you’ve been alive and aware of your surroundings. That is a ridiculous amount of information up for grabs to better understand yourself. Author, Malcolm Gladwell, once made a claim that it takes roughly ten thousand hours to become master at something. If that's true, then we would all have a black belt in existence if we were to take our stories seriously, study our past, and take advantage of all we have learned over the years.
Hidden In Your Attic
Have you ever watched the television show Hoarders? If not, it's a TV series that dives deep into the lives of people with unhealthy obsessions with keeping everything they have ever owned. What’s inside most people’s junk drawer fills up their entire house! Mountains of their belongings can be found on tables, shelves, and every square inch of their floor. These folks can’t even keep track of what they own anymore.
Well, maybe, this is what the inside of your head looks like. I don’t mean you are messy or scatter-brained, it’s just you probably don’t dive into your memories often enough to organize them. You may not even know what’s in there anymore. Like the attic, you stuff all kinds of things in your mind and leave it there to be forgotten. Occasionally around the holidays, you will pull some stuff down to get sentimental, but generally, you are too wrapped up in the hustle of life to get in there and organize. Those memories getting piled away are far too important to be forgotten, though.
It’s time to dive into that messy brain of yours and draw out those past experiences. It’s not always easy to start this process, though. In the age of five-second commercials and ever-present screens to distract us, it may feel completely foreign even. I mean, isn’t recalling memories Facebook’s job now? That’s okay if it feels weird at first, give it a chance.
To counter all these distractions, allow me to reintroduce the ancient practice of meditation. Think of this less as clearing your mind and more of a careful consideration of your inner thoughts. It’s a method of sorting out your conscious and subconscious while allowing the thoughts of your past memories, present stories, and future hopes to all interact. Just taking time to chill your body, mind, and spirit. You must create space for thought and allow time for yourself to escape all the busyness and frustrations of the day. I have always woven together meditation with prayer. Maybe that’s your dig, perhaps it’s not. I advocate trying it out either way.
When I started, meditation felt like the hardest thing in the world. I’m a pretty hyperactive, ADHD kind of person. I enjoy being on the run and going at all times, so slowing down would often feel like I was in a cage. That was until years ago when another great mentor told me why I was having so much trouble. My mentor, Dean, explained that meditation was a muscle. He then told me I was just weak with that muscle. I didn’t like being called weak, but after I got over myself, I owned up to that truth and asked him what I needed to do. His answer was way more obvious than I had expected.
“Well, you exercise…”
Dang… right again. Dean instructed me to start off my meditation for fifteen minutes a day to get used to it. It felt like detoxing as I sifted out all the immediate and stressful thoughts buzzing around my mind. All those shallow distractions, such as the last movie I had seen or overdue schoolwork, gave way to the deeper thoughts buried underneath. Sure, I would fidget and fight and tap my foot and worm around, but it eventually became easier for me. It was a safe place for me to process my own actions and intentions as I evaluated life. Whenever I would think I had become a master of meditation, it was time to put more weight on the mental bar I was lifting. I threw on another fifteen minutes. Then another thirty. Each time humbled me as I realized my real addiction to hustle and distractions. This was rehab for my soul.
Dean also warned me that when I started this new practice, I may enjoy it only about a fourth of the time, but to be patient with myself. I was, and those beneficial sessions grew into nearly every occasion before long. I was getting stronger as he said I would. In time, I spent time reflecting on my past, even outside of meditation. Memories sprang up that had been lost for years. Some of my sessions compelled me to send a text of appreciation to a friend after I was done. Other occasions were heavy, and I would have to work through built-up anger I had been carrying around for years. I found I had way more within me, then I had imagined.
These times of sorting out all the memories stuffed in my mental attic were really piecing my life together. I don’t want to make it sound like it was all rainbows and unicorn farts, though. I wasn’t repainting old memories in a better light, just processing them. Even though many were and still are very painful, it made me feel more complete somehow. I had been walking around with wounds without ever realizing it, and now they were finally being given the attention they needed all along. Absolutely worth it.
Tag, Your Turn
It’s your turn to try it for yourself. You will be all about it once you make it into a routine. It may be the launchpad you need to reclaim all the old memories long since forgotten. Here are pro tips to make meditation work for your life.
Create Space In Your Life
I like to be active, but the busyness of life is a bit like sand. If you’ve ever tried digging in sand, you know that it fills in all of the gaps. As soon as you take a scoop out, it almost immediately gets replaced by all the sand around it. Just the same, there never seems to be extra time in a busy life. If you want to be serious about making a habit of meditation (or contemplation, if you like that word better), then you will have to make it a priority.
Develop your meditation time into a habit. There are plenty of things fighting for your attention, and a busy day will choke out your meditation if given the chance. Be organized enough to build this rhythm into your week. It’s not much different than scheduling a meeting or a date if you think about it. You aren’t free during the time you set aside because you already promised it to someone else. Yourself. You have scheduled a meeting with yourself and should protect that time. If you ever have extra downtime, you can always use it, but for most of us, that may not happen. It’s easy to skip a day, then a few days, then next week all because you didn’t carve out enough space or leave any margin of your day for this much needed time. Amazon yourself a calendar or personal organizer if you need to keep track of it… I promise you it will pay off.
Find A Sacred Space
You know… your escape, your hideout. This could be your own man cave, or she-shed. This is the place you can run to in the hustle and bustle of life. You could carve out all the time in the world, but if you are still distracted by everything around you, it will be nearly impossible to have quality meditation. You need a sacred space.
It may take time before you find this place or you might find several places to plant your flag to claim as your own. Ideally, there is already a place that stands out in your mind, because you regularly go there to get refreshed anyways. I won’t make finding this place into some scientific formula; your perfect space is mostly based on your own preferences. After searching, you may dedicate a room to it or discover a favorite hiking trail. I’d like to think that some people will have a treehouse to hide for their “spot.”
Please note, your space doesn’t have to be anything fancy. If you don't get your ideal space or if it doesn’t meet Pinterest's standards, don’t sweat it. Just make it work for you. I'm stimulated when my area is well lit and open. Sometimes I will put on some chill rhythmic music and just sit at a coffee shop for hours. This drowns out the world around me even though I’m in a public place. My wife likes a dimly lit area illuminated by string lights along with quotes, notes, and inspiration all over a nearby wall for her to look at. Feel free to choose your car, redesign the Harry Potter closet under your staircase, or adopt any other place you may imagine. Just find yourself a sacred space.
Just Be Chill
Holy crow, learn to just be still without a screen, other people, or any other distractions to keep you occupied. You are a rad person to hang out with, so get used to kickin’ it with yourself. Just be chill with your inner thoughts for a while.
This one is the hardest for me by far. I count the seconds if I don’t get enough stimulation and have to force myself to be still. After enough time, I can usually detox the anxiety, stress, and worry out of my mind and feel better. You will too. This will give you a chance to sort your thoughts, daydream, and dive into concerns worth caring about. It allows all your inner thoughts to come to the surface. Often this process will bring creative inspiration, spiritual growth, a centering of your thoughts, prioritization of your life, or some inner peace. This is needed in this busy world we live in.
Again, make this your own time. Express these thoughts through music, art, a “to do” list, or just sit in contemplation for a while. This stillness will often give direction for the rest of your life. I am always inspired to find better ways to love people after I take this time to be chill and stop worrying.
Share Your Library
Ok, let’s look forward a bit. You had given an assertive “no” to all the Earth’s inhabitants and their constant demands for your attention. You have found a space all your own, a cave you dug perhaps, and filled it with all sorts of things that inspire you. Finally, you established in your schedule a routine to keep these times protected. You even decided how long and what days your meditations will take place. Good job, I’m having a proud dad moment. I’ll also assume you have worked through your past and gathered up a whole pile of memories stored away. Now it’s time to share the love.
Don’t wait until you have a comprehensive library of memories to share your stories with your friends and loved ones. Libraries are meant to be open to the public, so don’t keep all those exceptional times to yourself. That’s kinda greedy anyway, isn’t it? Your stories probably overlap with those of many other people anyways. Reliving shared stories is a great way to build those relationships. Fret not about divulging your dark secrets or past burdens right now; this is just a practice in bringing your past back to the present.
You have libraries of memories, experience, thoughts, adventures, and stories inside of you. Don’t keep them buried in your attic, and don’t let your library burn. Share life, share love, and share stories over coffee with the humans who helped you make them.